Feelings of inadequacy

[robot_mel]

Just been reading about the Undergraduate program in Chinese studies at Oxford. It contains everything I love, real Chinese, Classical Chinese, and pre-modern and early modern history. After graduating with that you'd have a real understanding of the language and a good start for going on to doing a PHD, and if that wasn't enough they offer a great Master course where you study specific premodern classical texts related to areas where you'll be studying for your PHD. I feel like I'm so far behind. I'm doing a MA in History, yet my Chinese is so crap, not even close to BA standards. I was really hoping for more out of the language course at SOAS. I wish I were 10 or 15 years younger and had time to do it all properly. I feel so behind. I suppose there's got to be someone at SOAS I can express my disatisfaction to and can help me try to figure out how to go about getting the work that I really need. I think that might be what the tutors are there for. Perhaps I am just too old and behind for all this. Even if I manage to come out with a distinction I wonder what good it will do me. I suppose there is always Victorian Studies but honestly I just prefer Chinese ghosts.