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昨天上午我坐地铁去大学。我上课中国历史。然后我坐地铁回家。一边儿坐地铁一边儿复习汉字。在家我学习中文学了二小时。我开始看书但是我记得我的图书馆本书我必回。这本书我借二十四小时后来图书馆科一个英镑每小时我没回本。所以我又坐地铁去大学。我很懊恼了！我学不了因为五点钟地铁很忙。我回本书。六点钟我的丈夫下班工作所以我走他地铁站去。但是我找不到他所以我回家。十分钟后我的丈夫回家！昨天晚上我吃了晚饭。我学习中文看书了。我一个月没去酒吧。我的生活没有意思。我学习，我工作 c'est tout!

Feelings of inadequacy

Just been reading about the Undergraduate program in Chinese studies at Oxford. It contains everything I love, real Chinese, Classical Chinese, and pre-modern and early modern history. After graduating with that you'd have a real understanding of the language and a good start for going on to doing a PHD, and if that wasn't enough they offer a great Master course where you study specific premodern classical texts related to areas where you'll be studying for your PHD. I feel like I'm so far behind. I'm doing a MA in History, yet my Chinese is so crap, not even close to BA standards. I was really hoping for more out of the language course at SOAS. I wish I were 10 or 15 years younger and had time to do it all properly. I feel so behind. I suppose there's got to be someone at SOAS I can express my disatisfaction to and can help me try to figure out how to go about getting the work that I really need. I think that might be what the tutors are there for. Perhaps I am just too old and behind for all this. Even if I manage to come out with a distinction I wonder what good it will do me. I suppose there is always Victorian Studies but honestly I just prefer Chinese ghosts.